When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I want her autograph on my taint
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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