there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
