Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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