I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
