Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize