I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize