Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
