i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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