I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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