I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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