SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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