Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
