Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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