They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
