closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
