I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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