The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
