so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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