DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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