Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
