hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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