I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
