Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
