I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
