why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
