Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i think i have herpe
just one?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
