dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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