you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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