they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
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