I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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