And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
