C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
