I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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