no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize