I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
