I seem to have left my pride at pride
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
