:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
