you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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