at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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