ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
