We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
