Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
