is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize