i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
