im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
