I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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