I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
