Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
