benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
