It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
