yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize