I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Someone came in the potted fern
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Randomize
