She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
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