mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
