the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize