Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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