I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
