lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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