I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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