I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
