seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
they call him Oral-B. enough said
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
