I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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