That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize