At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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