he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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