Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
