just come out here and I will go home with you...
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i barfeds in our rink
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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