well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
